Her Word
by TyrahChanel
Summary: Her Word Poem


Her Word by Tyrah Chanel

May 21, 2015

I don't know what else to say or do

I think I'm just going to be silent

Because I know that if I tell my side and express my feelings

No matter what

People are still going to call me violent.

I never knew how powerful a woman's word can be

Until I fell in love with one who would use it to try and ruin me.

I was always oblivious to the fact that hurt people hurt people

But still to this day

I don't know how she could be so evil

Her word

Her word sent me down a road of turmoil and weariness

With dark skies that enslaved me

Keeping me stagnant and joyless

She put chains around my hands and feet

A heavy weight on my body that drained all my energy.

I had to hold those chains up and tip toe around

Not wanting my chains to hit the floor and make a sound

As the years passed

Those chains got heavier

A new link was added on every time I encountered her

I had pain in my back, my legs, my stomach and head

My body and mind was giving in

Years of chances and fighting and unsuccessfully trying to make her change

This has to end

I remember when I first met her

Her eyes were dark with mystery

But she had this certain glow to her that outweighed my curiosity

She had ageless skin and wondrous hair

A smile owned by queens

And a scent that would blow you away

She was the prettiest woman I've ever seen

A year later I fell for her and finally made her my wife

Things were going so well

Love had blocked me from seeing the signs ahead that said "Hell"

How did I not see this hell coming?

Maybe it was her fake colors or my oblivion

Every night sleeping next to a woman

Who was really a in disguised demon

I always thought demons looked the part

Looking and doing evil from every angle

But while being blinded by her beauty and my love for her

I forgot

Even the devil was once an angel

I knew as time went by

I was getting closer and closer to her hell

I could smell the brimstone every time smoke would come out of her ears

She would show me fire over little issues or if I disagreed

I tried my best to forgive her and not fight

But soon it became impossible with her always feeling like she was in the right

It was getting worse

I work hard all day to support her and our family

The last thing I wanted to do was come home to my wife being angry

I come home tired wanting to embrace her and cheer her up

But instead, all I get is a cold shoulder and a "shut the fuck up"

I gave her all of me

And everything that I had

I made sure all of her wants and needs came first

And all of mines came last

I tried to keep her happy

But nothing was working

I was deteriorating

So was my health

I was really hurting

I knew I wasn't enough

When she lied and betrayed

Sending nude photos and "I love you's" through text

And it wasn't to my name

I knew I wasn't enough

When she left my side

Out giving herself to another

While I sat in my car and cried

I knew I wasn't enough

When she effortlessly degraded me

Being gold to people who didn't mean a thing

But making it her job to hurt me

I knew I wasn't enough

After all the chances and forgiving her

Consistently causing me pain, stress, and frustration

Didn't even love me enough to look in herself and try to find a better person

She became someone else

A woman I didn't recognize anymore

Still trying to hold on to the thought that she'd change for the sake of our child

But that possibility was long gone

The screaming and the yelling at 4am

The pressure and blows from her fists hitting my flesh

The glassware shattering at my feet, slicing through my skin

The grabbing and tugging of my clothes

The belittlement

The accusations and interrogations

The scorching hot water from the tea kettle being poured on my lap

The coming home from work and sleeping in my car because of fear

The havoc being made by this devil

Made it oh so hard to sleep at night

It made it hard to eat

It made it hard to smile

It made it hard to function

It made it hard to be me

I had lost myself

I stood in the mirror and could not recognize the man I've identified with all my life.

I knew that for me to get back to being me

I would have to lose her

But I was not ready to do so

So once again

She stabbed me in the back

So hard I fell forward on my face

This time, bracing myself with my hands because I was used to this

This was it. It was over. This was the end.

She lied

Her word

Her word gave me the title of being an abuser for the rest of my life

Her word got me arrested and in handcuffs with no evidence

Her word got me kicked out of my house in the effect of a restraining order

Her word kept me away from my precious child

Her word

Her false word took away a part of my life

The words "He attacked me" and that alone

Was enough to put my life on hold

The hell and scrutiny upon me

Her false word turned everyone's back on me

Her false word brought me hate

Her false word brought me abandonment

Her false word brought me humiliation

And her false word brought me death

Her word won

Her word was believed

And her word was written in stone

My word?

Nobody wanted to hear me

What I had to say didn't even matter

My truth was and still is blocked from all ears

Now you know why in the beginning I said I don't know what to say or do

I know you've heard some people say that it's easier being a man

but sometimes I wish I had a

Genie in the bottle that would change my gender for certain occasions

Because I know that my word is going to be as much security to me as it is a weapon to others

Her word

I don't know what else to say or do

I think I'm just going to be silent.


End file.
